Allow me to indulge myself, again, about my new crush.
Last Friday, I saw him again at a Salsa party. You know that feeling when your heart just skips a beat? Or when there’s tightening in your throat and you can’t breathe? That’s how I feel whenever I see him.
I always want to see him at every salsa event I go to, but I never know if he is going to be there or not, so whenever I push open the door of the restaurant, I already have this mental note playing in my head: “please be here, please be here.”
And as usual, the room will be crowded with familiar faces. My eyes would sweep the floor, quickly trying to look for that one person, half hoping he is already there and yet half hoping he wouldn’t notice that I was searching for him.
I don’t understand why I’m too afraid that if he meets my eyes, it will be enough for him to know that I like him. It’s silly, I want to know if he, maybe, likes me too, yet I don’t want him to find out I have a big crush on him.
Darn, I hate how all these make me sound like a 13 year old prep girl.
When I see him, I start feeling less tensed.
“Whew, he’s here, now I can relax.”
And so I would go about my usual spot and change into my dancing shoes, all the time pretending that I didn’t see him, or that I was never intentionally looking for him.
And the early night would go on with all the usual hellos and the welcome hugs and peck on the cheeks with everyone that I know.
I will wait until he comes over to me before I smile at him. I know that after the welcome smile comes the essential ‘how are things going?’ question and even before I could come up with an answer, I would find ourselves already dancing on the floor.
Maybe it’s just all in my head when I say that I feel there is a connection between us. The way that even when he’s seated at the total opposite corner of the room, I can still feel our glances, and the smiles. Even when he’s dancing with someone else, or I am dancing with someone else, I feel that we are just both waiting to dance again with each other.
Yeah, that’s what happens when you have a highly creative mind.
I have this feeling that whenever it’s my favorite song playing, I just want to be able to dance with him on that favorite song, half-hoping that he would rather dance with me than anyone else on his favorite latin beat as well.
I am really awkward when it comes to dealing with the guys I get attracted to. Whenever I see him coming up to me for a dance, I feel like I have to say something and ends up saying something silly instead. Like for instance, every time he walks towards me on the start of a new song, I have this huge grin plastered all over my face as I ask him if he wants to dance.
Well, of course. Isn’t it too obvious? What else would he be coming up to me for?
Sometimes, I wish that the space between my chair and the dance floor is ocean wide so I could get to hold his hand much longer. I like that feeling, my fingers with his as we walk side by side to the dance floor.
It’s a tough job to have a crush at salsa. Since it’s the first time that this has ever happened to me, I am only now realizing how hard it is to make room for my crush when everyone else is asking me to dance.
It’s so embarrassing when all these guys, who I usually dance with, ask me for a dance and then I have to say no so I can wait until my crush asks me for a dance. And then I would have these thoughts in my head that the guys who I just said no to now knows why I said no in the first place. Embarrassing. Or my heart just falls flat on the ground when I am waiting for him to ask me only to see him coming up to another girl.
It’s embarrassing to admit that I get slightly jealous when I see him dancing with someone else. But the fact that we are dancing is already enough to make me happy at that certain moment.
I guess, the thing that is good about having a crush at salsa is that it makes me want to become a better dancer, it inspires me to dance more gracefully, more beautifully.
I hope one day we can dance bachata together. The kind of bachata that is real, full of chemistry and passion.
Maybe not now, but who knows?