I have a friend, let’s call him Tarek (not his real name.) The girl who told him she loves him recently just told him that she is now in a relationship with someone else.
I asked Tarek how his heart is (although we all know it’s the oxytocin hormone and pituitary gland in our brains that’s damn responsible for feeling love and other emotions.)
He said he’s ok. He said he likes the girl but it still hasn’t grown to love at that point.
I asked him if he was hurt when she told him the big news, and I was blown away with Tarek’s answer.
“I would have been hurt, but she made it so easy for me not to be hurt.”
Whistles and cheers! Way to go, Tarek!
I don’t know anything about the girl, but I find myself in deep thinking about the situation.
How is it possible to tell someone you love him and take it back the very next day?
Ok, maybe I can still deal with that, but what I refuse to deal with is someone telling a guy she loves him and then telling him without even a pause of a warning that she fell in love with someone else.
And to make things worse, that someone else is also another good friend of mine (at least I warned you that it’s all fucked up!)
Let’s call this other friend Samy (not his real name, of course!) I spoke to him recently about the messed up situation he is in. He started liking this girl and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. What is wrong about his feeling of liking is, perhaps, the timing.
I told Samy that there are a few possibilities in this situation (which now seems like a laboratory experiment to me.) It’s possible that this girl fell out of love with Tarek and is genuine about her feelings for Samy, or she is just using Samy to make Tarek jealous and make him realize her importance in Tarek’s life. It is also a possibility that she is using her past friendship with Tarek to make Samy think that she is quite a catch–that there are other guys who can easily be interested to her. I told Samy that whatever is the case, it is a chance that he will have to gamble.
The interesting part in this story, is that in all this fiasco, I find myself having the omniscient god power. I know what is going on between the two men involved, I know Tarek’s version of the story as equally as I do Samy’s version.
I am standing in a neutral line though. I am not siding with anyone, but I listen and voice my opinion when asked. I am just someone from the outside looking in and I have drawn out a couple conclusions of my own.
The first conclusion I have is that this girl is lucky–there are two equally amazing guys who like her sincerely. Second conclusion is that I would never want to be in her position no matter how lucky she is.
I can’t, in any way, imagine myself telling a guy I love him and then telling him the next day ‘oopsy daisy, I was just kidding!’
One reason I know I will never trade myself in that situation is because our actions display the kind of person we are. What does that make of you? What does your action say about you? That you are extremely confused? Fickle minded? You don’t know what you want?
Why would we want to be with someone who is confused, undecided, and fickle in the first place?
When I hear stories like this happening, my beliefs in love slowly turns into a disillusion. The once statement becomes a question. All of a sudden you start doubting the sincerity of romantic love, even when it’s coming from someone who owns a special spot in your heart. It is unfair to love because stories like Tarek’s and Samy’s strip love all the enchantment and the romance it deserves. And you are left wondering whether love has been transformed to just a game adults play.
‘Make him jealous, put him to a mortal combat arena with a street fighter. Whoever gets a knockout wins.’
I hate mind games.
I am not someone who will wait three days after the first date to call that person (that’s just some bullshit cheap movies taught men about dating.) I am not someone who will make the guy I like jealous so he can realize how awesome I am by putting in his face that there are other guys who would break an arm to be in his place (in the first place, why would you like someone who doesn’t think you’re awesome, or who will only realize you’re awesomeness once he knows you’re almost gone?) I am not someone who will lead you on to thinking that I like you if I don’t–that goes to saying I am not one who will trick you to thinking I don’t like you when, in fact, I do.
Girls shouldn’t be with terribly mediocre guys the way guys shouldn’t be with terribly mediocre girls.
Stories like this make it seem that we all have lost our minds. What happened to thinking before we act especially when it comes to people we supposedly care about? It seems that some people can easily blurt out that four-letter word without putting a single thought to it.
Come on, I confess to being emotional and romantic but even I think that gone are the days of love at first sight.
Love is something that needs nurturing. It doesn’t happen overnight. You cannot fall in love with someone without knowing who they really are, the way you cannot fall out of love with someone in a snap of a finger. It takes time, and sometimes, you need to give time some time!
It always fascinates me how some people seem to rush in love. If it is meant to last forever, why rush? Forever is such a long time that you’ll start getting bored of each other if
you are speeding 160mph on the highway to falling in love.
What’s wrong with enjoying the now? What is wrong with enjoying the friendship you have started with someone for the time being? What is wrong with taking your time to really getting to know that other person? What is wrong with slowing things down and taking little steps into appreciating the girl or the guy you might (not will!) potentially fall in love with. Emphasis on might!
It makes me roll my eyes when I hear some girls talk about how they just want to be with whichever guy and they are just so eager to put that ‘in a relationship with’ status on facebook after only a few weeks of going out. It makes me roll my eyes because I used to be one of those girls. I used to be one to rush into being labeled as ‘we’ or ‘us.’
If there is anything I learned out of my previous relationships (and I swear I am whole-heartedly thanking all my ex-boyfriends for this) it is that there is no short cut or express pass to love.
It’s funny how, now, when I hear my friends say they are really, madly in love with this person that they just started going out with, I can’t help myself but ask them if they’ve already smelt that person’s fart. They would all give me the same disgusted look. It never fails!
Well, I’m just saying, you can only truly love someone after you’ve seen (or, in this case, smelt) their ugly and still decide you want to be with that person.
Like I said, there are no shortcuts. There are no fast forward buttons. You wouldn’t want to jump to the last page of a book to find out how it will end because you know it will only spoil the gratifying experience of reading a story from start to finish.
You wouldn’t demand to get in a roller coaster ride if you plan on skipping the loops and the thrill of screaming your lungs out.
It’s a long, tedious process. There will be bumps and crossroads ahead. And who knows, at one point you and that other person might decide to go the same direction or take different routes. It might not grow into love, but if you take your time, you can be sure it will grow into friendship, and that friendship will exist even when you’re both heading to different ways. So come on, stop speeding your way to the destination when you can enjoy the getting lost and the getting there (wherever that maybe.)