A response from my hypothetical boyfriend

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Please, don’t creep out. It was you who wrote me in the first place, and I felt the need to write you back. So, just hear me out.

Apologies that it took a while, but it took a while for me to find you. Maybe you are right. I was looking in the wrong places which is why I didn’t run into you much sooner than I’d like to.

My name is neither Kyle, nor Amadeus but you can still call me A.

Yes, I am taller than you. Much taller, shorty. Contrary to your expectation, my eyes aren’t brown. They are blue with a golden ring, thanks to my mum. I hope you’re not disappointed.

I like that you are curious because I am too. I like playing bets, and win-win is always a good start.

Let’s be clear here, no Apple products for me. I don’t mind silence as long as you’re not heading out the door.

Now you blame me for your little tooth brush, that’s a bit unfair. I didn’t even know I was supposed to remind you.

My deal is black humor and I like being a smart ass. I can tell that you’re a smarty pants too, so I’m sure there’ll be no dull moments between us.

I can be snotty and bossy like you, so you’ll have to remind me about it too. And yes, I usually act like a child, but I can be serious when necessary.

I don’t kite surf but I love diving, and I think it’s something we should do together. I do judo, I ski, and I like playing paintball. Let’s be spontaneous and random and do things together.

When it comes to honesty, no need to worry. I always am, even when it hurts sometimes.

I’m not sure yet if I am your hypothetical boyfriend. But the more I read into you, the more I speak to you, the more I want to believe that I can be.

I have a big appetite for sushi and sashimi so you can be sure that I’ve got our Friday nights covered.

I like watching movies and yes, we can alternate on choosing which movies to watch.

Lucky for you I don’t listen to metal or punk, but I’ll have to introduce you to a bit of jazz and a bit of rock. And a bit of house too!

You can teach me salsa, but I’ll have to teach you rock n roll in exchange. No buts, we agreed to compromise.

You can’t order me from eBay, that’s very much true, but I will do free delivery for you.

Your hypothetical boyfriend,

Alexandre.

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