Monthly Archives: January 2013

10 sure fire steps to get over your ex

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1. Cry. It’s 7:30 in the morning and the current love of your life just broke up with you. What do you do? No, you don’t take Xanax. You call your best friend and cry, and scream, and pour your lungs and your heart out altogether. Do this for 15 minutes to half an hour, or as much as your best friend can handle. After that excruciating phone call, never shed a tear over the same guy again.

2. Mourn. This is the worst part in dealing with a heartache, but this is also probably the most essential one. Some people tend to rush the healing process and pretend that nothing’s happened; that they’re unaffected, and tough and mighty as Brutus; that breakup is no big deal. But the truth is, it is a big deal. Unless you’re George Clooney. So, mourn. Feel regret and sadness for the loss of your relationship. Feel despair, feel empty. You are allowed to feel all these negative things but not for long. When you mourn, you are acknowledging the fact that something has come to an end. Therefore, you must bury it to the dirt and let go.

3. Declutter. Admit it, a breakup is the time we remember that 1. we are employed, 2. we have friends, and 3. we have a bedroom of shitload to clean. So, take this time as an opportunity to get rid of the mess and stains s/he left behind, literally and figuratively. Toss the bags of chips and pizza carton boxes you left lying on the floor the night you’ve been dumped. You might want to burn everything your ex gave you, but hold that thought right there. That’s just your anger and sentiment taking over. Come on, be practical! You can still use the Argentina travel book s/he got you on Christmas. You can still wear the hoodie your ex gave you this winter without remorse. These things are objects, not subjects, remember that when you start putting your life back on track. Ok, you can burn the letter and cards in slow fire if you must.

4. Workout. Again, a breakup is the time you remember you actually own a gym membership card. (Whoa, it’s like you had amnesia while in a relationship and everything is just coming back now.) The only thing that can be more badass than a badass workout is a post-heartache badass workout. Lift weights, run on speed 8, channel your bad energies to good use, and get in shape. It’s win-win situation, people!

5. Salsa. [Insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you.] When the going gets tough, the tough goes dancing [insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you] because that’s what we do, yeah! Seriously though, nothing beats the hell out of a bad break up than doing the things you love while being surrounded with people who love doing the things you love.

6. Improve. I, personally, find breakups healthy in some way. As much as I like to exaggerate heartaches and the I-can’t-live-another-day drama, it is always after a break up that I find myself turning into a better version of me. It’s the more obvious time that I give myself a chance to read the books I bought but never read, to catch up with old friends, to connect with family. Usually, we get so consumed being in a relationship that we take for granted things that actually matter. Now that you’ve finished mourning and decluttering, I say use your time worthwhile by continuously improving yourself. Maybe take up that language class you’ve been wanting to get into, or attend the Friday night movie club you used to go to. Whatever it is, just don’t lock up in your room weeping.

7. Gain. After a breakup, emotions do the talking and usually end up delivering lines like “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” We think that half of our lives is missing, and that there is a big lump on our throats, and a massive hole inside us. In reality, if I lose a part of myself whenever someone breaks up with me, then there will be nothing left of me now. But I am not Emily Dickinson. It is normal to feel that a big part of us is gone–the memories, the moments, time spent and shared with that person–these are things we will never get back after a breakup (at least not with the same person.) But what is important is gaining yourself back and coming out strong after a black hole. Emotion is what makes us human, but how we choose to deal with these emotions is what makes us intellectual.

8. Remember. The most natural reaction after someone breaks up with us is to be bitter and plot revenge. We go a little bit mental and just become all mopey and sour. We might even ask our friends to run our exes over with a car. In short, we forget all the good times we spent with that other person. We forget all the love. All of a sudden, the only thing we see is the bad. We blame them and try to make excuses for our flaws. We have to be reminded that that love was real no matter how short it lasted. We have to remember how good it felt, how special they made us feel, how strong and happy we were. You have to remember all the good so that you don’t fear love; so that you don’t transform to a cold, heartless robot; so that you don’t put up this wall that no one else will be able to break into.

9. Accept. That even good things come to an end. Take it for what it is. Accept that it is over. You have to let go of the person, of the scent, of the songs you listened to, the movies you watched together, everything. Please don’t try to even attempt to get them back. It ended for a reason. Move forward and don’t look back, or you will turn into salt! Though I am one to believe in second chances, I also believe that when someone wants you in their lives, you will never have to fight for a spot.

10. Believe. Another chapter might have just ended, but a new chapter is waiting to be written. Take the pen and start writing new characters. Change the plot, gear towards an epic ending. Keep going, don’t lose hope. Believe that that person exists. Love again.

A letter to my hypothetical boyfriend part 4

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I’m sorry.

I know this sounds bad. Anything that starts with I’m sorry is usually bad.

I don’t know what I can say to make things easier. I can use 99 euphemisms, 272 words, 14 metaphors, and it will still be deduced to one sentence: I’m breaking up with you.

I apologize. I’m really not good at these things. I want to sound politically correct, and calm, and reasonable, but I think, there is no sense of diplomacy or yoga that can make breaking up look like a piece of cake.

I can totally hear your voice raising, and I can ever-so-clearly picture the dismayed look you have on your face.

But the truth is, I can’t. I don’t know how your voice sounds like, I don’t know what shape your eyebrows take when you get a bad news. I have no idea how you look like when you’re upset, sad, angry, bothered, annoyed, embarrassed, disappointed. Neither do I know how your eyes light up when you’re happy, glad, hopeful. I just have no idea, period.

I know it sounds so silly considering how we were never really together, and yet I am highly convinced that I owe you an explanation.

You’ve been a wonderful hypothetical boyfriend, and I am not just saying that because I am about to break your heart. I really mean it, down to the very core. How can I not? You are everything that I wanted, everything that I could hope for, everything that I imagined to be.

I would fill up pages after pages of scrap paper with my tireless stories about you, and those pages would have been left to rot had you not been around.

My idea of you kept me going when I was feeling empty. When I had absolutely nothing to do, you were there to inspire me, tickle my creativity, and motivate me to believe.

As much as I’d like to hold on to my idea of you, you will always be a hypothesis, a theory waiting to be proven, a fragment of my imagination that will never materialize in this concrete world. And I think it’s about time I put you to rest.

As you would have guessed, I met someone. Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that. It just happened. Like seriously, it just happened. Really!

Though he is not as perfect as my idea of you, I don’t have to wonder whether his eyes are brown or green because I am definite it is blue. I don’t have to stay up in bed at night wondering if he is a Coke or a Pepsi person because I already know that he would choose wine in a heartbeat. I don’t have to guess what he is like because he can show me himself. I don’t have to ask questions that will be left unanswered because it will only take him one call or SMS to answer me back.

He might not come close to everything I wrote about you, in fact, he could be difficult and whingy sometimes, but he is real, right here, right now. He is as real as real can get. And believe it or not, he snores, like a train! And burps like Goliath.

But there is something about him. No, not his french accent, not the way he washes the dishes, not the way he does all these little surprises that often reduce me to a girl. I think, it is how he turns every monologue to a dialogue, how he maneuvers a one-sided relationship to a two-way highway, and how he changes a you and me to us.

Don’t get me wrong. He is flawed as equally as I am. Our personalities clash. A lot! He is the guy who eats his breakfast with a knife and fork and I am the girl who eats my BLT sandwich with bare hands. We tease each other like we’re back in kindergarten. We challenge and play bets against each other yet neither is ready to accept defeat.

We don’t mesh like sand and water. We get on each other’s nerves like matchstick and sandpaper, and we’re alright with that. We know when there is friction, there is fire.

I would really want to give him and I a fair shot–a real, genuine, Kobe Bryant shot. As much as I enjoyed writing about you, I cannot wait to start living my story with him.

I’m sure I am not the only one who thinks of an ideal boyfriend. Before we know it, someone else will start writing about you, thinking of you, wondering about you, waiting for you to pop out of thin air, and I know that when that happens, you will be there to enthuse their curiosity and tickle their imagination the way you did to mine.