1. Cry. It’s 7:30 in the morning and the current love of your life just broke up with you. What do you do? No, you don’t take Xanax. You call your best friend and cry, and scream, and pour your lungs and your heart out altogether. Do this for 15 minutes to half an hour, or as much as your best friend can handle. After that excruciating phone call, never shed a tear over the same guy again.
2. Mourn. This is the worst part in dealing with a heartache, but this is also probably the most essential one. Some people tend to rush the healing process and pretend that nothing’s happened; that they’re unaffected, and tough and mighty as Brutus; that breakup is no big deal. But the truth is, it is a big deal. Unless you’re George Clooney. So, mourn. Feel regret and sadness for the loss of your relationship. Feel despair, feel empty. You are allowed to feel all these negative things but not for long. When you mourn, you are acknowledging the fact that something has come to an end. Therefore, you must bury it to the dirt and let go.
3. Declutter. Admit it, a breakup is the time we remember that 1. we are employed, 2. we have friends, and 3. we have a bedroom of shitload to clean. So, take this time as an opportunity to get rid of the mess and stains s/he left behind, literally and figuratively. Toss the bags of chips and pizza carton boxes you left lying on the floor the night you’ve been dumped. You might want to burn everything your ex gave you, but hold that thought right there. That’s just your anger and sentiment taking over. Come on, be practical! You can still use the Argentina travel book s/he got you on Christmas. You can still wear the hoodie your ex gave you this winter without remorse. These things are objects, not subjects, remember that when you start putting your life back on track. Ok, you can burn the letter and cards in slow fire if you must.
4. Workout. Again, a breakup is the time you remember you actually own a gym membership card. (Whoa, it’s like you had amnesia while in a relationship and everything is just coming back now.) The only thing that can be more badass than a badass workout is a post-heartache badass workout. Lift weights, run on speed 8, channel your bad energies to good use, and get in shape. It’s win-win situation, people!
5. Salsa. [Insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you.] When the going gets tough, the tough goes dancing [insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you] because that’s what we do, yeah! Seriously though, nothing beats the hell out of a bad break up than doing the things you love while being surrounded with people who love doing the things you love.
6. Improve. I, personally, find breakups healthy in some way. As much as I like to exaggerate heartaches and the I-can’t-live-another-day drama, it is always after a break up that I find myself turning into a better version of me. It’s the more obvious time that I give myself a chance to read the books I bought but never read, to catch up with old friends, to connect with family. Usually, we get so consumed being in a relationship that we take for granted things that actually matter. Now that you’ve finished mourning and decluttering, I say use your time worthwhile by continuously improving yourself. Maybe take up that language class you’ve been wanting to get into, or attend the Friday night movie club you used to go to. Whatever it is, just don’t lock up in your room weeping.
7. Gain. After a breakup, emotions do the talking and usually end up delivering lines like “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” We think that half of our lives is missing, and that there is a big lump on our throats, and a massive hole inside us. In reality, if I lose a part of myself whenever someone breaks up with me, then there will be nothing left of me now. But I am not Emily Dickinson. It is normal to feel that a big part of us is gone–the memories, the moments, time spent and shared with that person–these are things we will never get back after a breakup (at least not with the same person.) But what is important is gaining yourself back and coming out strong after a black hole. Emotion is what makes us human, but how we choose to deal with these emotions is what makes us intellectual.
8. Remember. The most natural reaction after someone breaks up with us is to be bitter and plot revenge. We go a little bit mental and just become all mopey and sour. We might even ask our friends to run our exes over with a car. In short, we forget all the good times we spent with that other person. We forget all the love. All of a sudden, the only thing we see is the bad. We blame them and try to make excuses for our flaws. We have to be reminded that that love was real no matter how short it lasted. We have to remember how good it felt, how special they made us feel, how strong and happy we were. You have to remember all the good so that you don’t fear love; so that you don’t transform to a cold, heartless robot; so that you don’t put up this wall that no one else will be able to break into.
9. Accept. That even good things come to an end. Take it for what it is. Accept that it is over. You have to let go of the person, of the scent, of the songs you listened to, the movies you watched together, everything. Please don’t try to even attempt to get them back. It ended for a reason. Move forward and don’t look back, or you will turn into salt! Though I am one to believe in second chances, I also believe that when someone wants you in their lives, you will never have to fight for a spot.
10. Believe. Another chapter might have just ended, but a new chapter is waiting to be written. Take the pen and start writing new characters. Change the plot, gear towards an epic ending. Keep going, don’t lose hope. Believe that that person exists. Love again.