Rhapsodies of the Barefooted Gypsy

We’re Too Old For That

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I’m scared

Deeply terrified to L____

God! I can’t even say it

I don’t even know if I’m still capable to fall in l____

Because I think we’re too old for that

I’ve had my heart broken

Not just once

Not twice

I’ll be lucky if I can say

It’s been three times

You can imagine I lost count

In the same way I lost faith in happily ever after

L____?

It’s a whole lot of crap!

Bullshit!

All lies!

But who cares? we’re too old for that

So, I’m just going to act like I don’t care

I’m just going to check my phone every minute

Until it sucks the life out of me

I’m just going to get a heart failure

When that  person has seen my message on facebook

Or read my message on whatsapp

And I will act like it doesn’t mean a thing

Because we’re too old for that

I will pretend that I’m not looking forward

Seeing that person on Friday

Pretend it’s no big deal if he does not reply

Pretend I don’t want to know his favorite color

Favorite movie, ice cream flavor

Because it’s all crap

And we’re too old for that

L-O-V-E is the Voldemort of our vocabulary

It must not be named!

So, we call it everything else but

Physical attraction

Mutual affection

Emotional connection

Chemical reaction?

I meant chemistry, you know? Spark! Boom!

It’s for pleasure, for fun!

Summer fling

Winter romance

The spring that we’re always waiting for

Even if it’s something casual and temporary

We call it an affair

Friends with benefits

Fuck buddies

A fling

A thing

For crying out loud that’s right

It’s an interest

A quest

A challenge

A crush

The never ending cat and mouse game

Mind games

The impossible chase

Different labels, different names

We call it anything else but l____

Because we’re too old for that

We want no pressure

No obligation

No responsibility

No nothing, because what?

We’re too old for that

We are not going to get ourselves hurt

Because we know better

We’re so much wiser

We learned from previous mistakes

And damn right!

We’re too old for that!

It can’t be l____

That’s why we build this wall

And push people away

No one is allowed to come too close

No one can be let in

The door is locked, sorry!

So, we try to act real cool

We pretend that we have our shit together

When we’re totally uncool

And freaking out within.

Why can’t it be l____

Because it’s too soon

Because we’re only hanging out

Or seeing each other

No commitment

No strings attached

And heaps of other excuses

Because we’re too old for that

We want the emotional satisfaction

Minus the drama and complication

Because we’re too old for that

So, we choose to be in the grey

In the blur

In that shallow and empty space

Between nothing and something that could be more

No one wants to be the crazy chic

Who’s clingy

No one wants to be the creepy dude

Who’s possessive

And yet!

We crave for that person to say it first

For that other person to l____ us more

We will never admit it

Because we’re too old for that

Look at us–grown ups

Mature individuals we call ourselves

Yet we’re really none the wiser

It’s sad and tragic

We can’t even take charge of our own feelings

Honestly though

We have to stop torturing ourselves

Stop pretending

Stop acting

Stop asking why she hasn’t replied

Or why he hasn’t called back

And just fucking tell them, damn it!

Seriously, lao haiz ahwa

Matotlob shishay

Jack truly and deeply fell for Rose

And we all know how that story went down

But that’s not the point

The point is

They were able to recognize and acknowledge their feelings

On board a ship

In a fucking, sinking ship.

So, unless you’re in a ship

That’s bound to hit a massive iceberg

Just LOVE!

And love proud!

For once!

Do yourself a big favor

And just stop playing it safe

Love even when it’s inconvenient

Love in small doses

Love all at once

Go nuclear

Love the way you want to be loved

Love intentionally

Love unintentionally

Fall in love with all your totality

And know that you might actually have a shot at it this time

Tell them

Please, tell them

For them

But most importantly for you

What we need is to break down that wall

Dive head in first

Cross over

Stay true to yourself and love

And no matter what anyone else tells you

You’re never too old for that

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