Category Archives: Love

Come away with me

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I know this will sound crazy. I’m crazy and you already know that. You’re crazy and I already know that. But what I want is to forget all about that craziness for a minute and just let ourselves go, without too much thinking or reason.

I want you to just take my hand and come away with me. Walk beside me as we turn to corners and enter streets in the city that we’ve never been at before. Let’s catch the perfect sunset in the harbor, or we can start chasing ibis and sea gulls at the fish market.

Take my hand as we take the next bus. Sit beside me and let’s go out of town. We will watch the people in the bus and make up stories about them as we head off to where we are going. Or we can watch the changing views from our window–the ambiance of urban structures to the calm of the country side to wherever it will take us.

Be patient with me. Soon enough, we will get there. Only a few hours and we’ll be there.

But where is “there” you might ask. Maybe it’s at your kitchen in Bondi where we can finally put your carbonara recipe to the test. Maybe it’s at a crazy house party. We’re not invited, but we’ll crash anyways! Maybe it’s in a far-flung area outside Sydney where we won’t do anything other than take pictures of things familiar and unfamiliar.

Take my hand as we search for our boarding gate. Rest your head on my shoulder as we take off. Let’s watch as the cars and buildings start looking like Lego miniatures. Let’s look at the sky and see what shapes the clouds take. While up in the air, let’s see the things beyond us and resolve in comfort knowing that we can face anything and everything that lies ahead. Feel the change of atmosphere as we step out of the airport and into a new world. Bali, Sydney, Manila, Cairo, Isle of Wight. Let’s tick one destination off our bucket list at a time, as we collect memories and embrace new adventures. We’ll count how many variety of curry dishes there is on the menu, we’ll try every shisha flavor available. We’ll go see the pyramids, we’ll watch a football game. We’ll look at old buildings, and enter ancient buddhist temples. We’ll count the stars as we lie our bodies across an open field. Our eyes will open at the first sight of a new morning. We’ll watch as the colors change from purple-grey to a gleaming orange sunrise. Another day–foreign and new–is waiting for us.

During the day, let’s discover and submerge ourselves in a new culture. We’ll spend time talking with other travelers we meet on the way. We’ll speak to locals and listen to their stories. And when we’ve finally had our fill of good food and wine, we’ll come back to our hostel and fit ourselves comfortably on our bed. We will sleep happy, and smiling, knowing that there will be breakfast and tea and you and me in the morning.

Get in the cab with me. We don’t know where we’re going but we’ll ask the driver to take us somewhere. Let’s roll the window down and feel the breeze in our hair. Let’s keep going for as long as we can. We won’t stop, unless we’re hungry. We’ll stop at gas stations for bathroom breaks, at restaurants for dinner specials, at pubs for happy hours. But we will continue our travel until we reach our happy place. Until we’re standing at the beach with the smell of the Pacific in front of us. Until the crisp sound of palm leaves surround us.

We’re outlaws, travelers, lovers, companions, explorers, triers of new things. We’re witnesses of whatever it is that is out there. Sometimes we won’t talk, we won’t touch, we will just be there, standing side by side. And we will fall in love, not with each other, but with the unknown. We will fall in love with the things we can’t see, we will love the things we don’t understand.

Take my hand and do this with me because I want to get carried away with you. I want to see new things with you. I want to do old things with you knowing that it will feel brand new because it will be the first time I’m doing it with you. I want to explore with you beside me, with our eyes full of curiosity and wonder, and our hearts just as free. I want to walk on roads we’ve never walked on before, hear languages we’ve never heard or spoken before. I want to get lost with you. I want to be found with you.

We will touch things, and taste flavors, and see life the way we never did before. Everything will be new. You will be new, and so will I.

It doesn’t matter that I don’t know you, or that you don’t know me, or the fact that we’ve never met before, because today, at this very moment, I just want you to take my hand and get carried away with me.

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10 sure fire steps to get over your ex

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1. Cry. It’s 7:30 in the morning and the current love of your life just broke up with you. What do you do? No, you don’t take Xanax. You call your best friend and cry, and scream, and pour your lungs and your heart out altogether. Do this for 15 minutes to half an hour, or as much as your best friend can handle. After that excruciating phone call, never shed a tear over the same guy again.

2. Mourn. This is the worst part in dealing with a heartache, but this is also probably the most essential one. Some people tend to rush the healing process and pretend that nothing’s happened; that they’re unaffected, and tough and mighty as Brutus; that breakup is no big deal. But the truth is, it is a big deal. Unless you’re George Clooney. So, mourn. Feel regret and sadness for the loss of your relationship. Feel despair, feel empty. You are allowed to feel all these negative things but not for long. When you mourn, you are acknowledging the fact that something has come to an end. Therefore, you must bury it to the dirt and let go.

3. Declutter. Admit it, a breakup is the time we remember that 1. we are employed, 2. we have friends, and 3. we have a bedroom of shitload to clean. So, take this time as an opportunity to get rid of the mess and stains s/he left behind, literally and figuratively. Toss the bags of chips and pizza carton boxes you left lying on the floor the night you’ve been dumped. You might want to burn everything your ex gave you, but hold that thought right there. That’s just your anger and sentiment taking over. Come on, be practical! You can still use the Argentina travel book s/he got you on Christmas. You can still wear the hoodie your ex gave you this winter without remorse. These things are objects, not subjects, remember that when you start putting your life back on track. Ok, you can burn the letter and cards in slow fire if you must.

4. Workout. Again, a breakup is the time you remember you actually own a gym membership card. (Whoa, it’s like you had amnesia while in a relationship and everything is just coming back now.) The only thing that can be more badass than a badass workout is a post-heartache badass workout. Lift weights, run on speed 8, channel your bad energies to good use, and get in shape. It’s win-win situation, people!

5. Salsa. [Insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you.] When the going gets tough, the tough goes dancing [insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you] because that’s what we do, yeah! Seriously though, nothing beats the hell out of a bad break up than doing the things you love while being surrounded with people who love doing the things you love.

6. Improve. I, personally, find breakups healthy in some way. As much as I like to exaggerate heartaches and the I-can’t-live-another-day drama, it is always after a break up that I find myself turning into a better version of me. It’s the more obvious time that I give myself a chance to read the books I bought but never read, to catch up with old friends, to connect with family. Usually, we get so consumed being in a relationship that we take for granted things that actually matter. Now that you’ve finished mourning and decluttering, I say use your time worthwhile by continuously improving yourself. Maybe take up that language class you’ve been wanting to get into, or attend the Friday night movie club you used to go to. Whatever it is, just don’t lock up in your room weeping.

7. Gain. After a breakup, emotions do the talking and usually end up delivering lines like “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” We think that half of our lives is missing, and that there is a big lump on our throats, and a massive hole inside us. In reality, if I lose a part of myself whenever someone breaks up with me, then there will be nothing left of me now. But I am not Emily Dickinson. It is normal to feel that a big part of us is gone–the memories, the moments, time spent and shared with that person–these are things we will never get back after a breakup (at least not with the same person.) But what is important is gaining yourself back and coming out strong after a black hole. Emotion is what makes us human, but how we choose to deal with these emotions is what makes us intellectual.

8. Remember. The most natural reaction after someone breaks up with us is to be bitter and plot revenge. We go a little bit mental and just become all mopey and sour. We might even ask our friends to run our exes over with a car. In short, we forget all the good times we spent with that other person. We forget all the love. All of a sudden, the only thing we see is the bad. We blame them and try to make excuses for our flaws. We have to be reminded that that love was real no matter how short it lasted. We have to remember how good it felt, how special they made us feel, how strong and happy we were. You have to remember all the good so that you don’t fear love; so that you don’t transform to a cold, heartless robot; so that you don’t put up this wall that no one else will be able to break into.

9. Accept. That even good things come to an end. Take it for what it is. Accept that it is over. You have to let go of the person, of the scent, of the songs you listened to, the movies you watched together, everything. Please don’t try to even attempt to get them back. It ended for a reason. Move forward and don’t look back, or you will turn into salt! Though I am one to believe in second chances, I also believe that when someone wants you in their lives, you will never have to fight for a spot.

10. Believe. Another chapter might have just ended, but a new chapter is waiting to be written. Take the pen and start writing new characters. Change the plot, gear towards an epic ending. Keep going, don’t lose hope. Believe that that person exists. Love again.

A letter to my hypothetical boyfriend part 4

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I’m sorry.

I know this sounds bad. Anything that starts with I’m sorry is usually bad.

I don’t know what I can say to make things easier. I can use 99 euphemisms, 272 words, 14 metaphors, and it will still be deduced to one sentence: I’m breaking up with you.

I apologize. I’m really not good at these things. I want to sound politically correct, and calm, and reasonable, but I think, there is no sense of diplomacy or yoga that can make breaking up look like a piece of cake.

I can totally hear your voice raising, and I can ever-so-clearly picture the dismayed look you have on your face.

But the truth is, I can’t. I don’t know how your voice sounds like, I don’t know what shape your eyebrows take when you get a bad news. I have no idea how you look like when you’re upset, sad, angry, bothered, annoyed, embarrassed, disappointed. Neither do I know how your eyes light up when you’re happy, glad, hopeful. I just have no idea, period.

I know it sounds so silly considering how we were never really together, and yet I am highly convinced that I owe you an explanation.

You’ve been a wonderful hypothetical boyfriend, and I am not just saying that because I am about to break your heart. I really mean it, down to the very core. How can I not? You are everything that I wanted, everything that I could hope for, everything that I imagined to be.

I would fill up pages after pages of scrap paper with my tireless stories about you, and those pages would have been left to rot had you not been around.

My idea of you kept me going when I was feeling empty. When I had absolutely nothing to do, you were there to inspire me, tickle my creativity, and motivate me to believe.

As much as I’d like to hold on to my idea of you, you will always be a hypothesis, a theory waiting to be proven, a fragment of my imagination that will never materialize in this concrete world. And I think it’s about time I put you to rest.

As you would have guessed, I met someone. Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that. It just happened. Like seriously, it just happened. Really!

Though he is not as perfect as my idea of you, I don’t have to wonder whether his eyes are brown or green because I am definite it is blue. I don’t have to stay up in bed at night wondering if he is a Coke or a Pepsi person because I already know that he would choose wine in a heartbeat. I don’t have to guess what he is like because he can show me himself. I don’t have to ask questions that will be left unanswered because it will only take him one call or SMS to answer me back.

He might not come close to everything I wrote about you, in fact, he could be difficult and whingy sometimes, but he is real, right here, right now. He is as real as real can get. And believe it or not, he snores, like a train! And burps like Goliath.

But there is something about him. No, not his french accent, not the way he washes the dishes, not the way he does all these little surprises that often reduce me to a girl. I think, it is how he turns every monologue to a dialogue, how he maneuvers a one-sided relationship to a two-way highway, and how he changes a you and me to us.

Don’t get me wrong. He is flawed as equally as I am. Our personalities clash. A lot! He is the guy who eats his breakfast with a knife and fork and I am the girl who eats my BLT sandwich with bare hands. We tease each other like we’re back in kindergarten. We challenge and play bets against each other yet neither is ready to accept defeat.

We don’t mesh like sand and water. We get on each other’s nerves like matchstick and sandpaper, and we’re alright with that. We know when there is friction, there is fire.

I would really want to give him and I a fair shot–a real, genuine, Kobe Bryant shot. As much as I enjoyed writing about you, I cannot wait to start living my story with him.

I’m sure I am not the only one who thinks of an ideal boyfriend. Before we know it, someone else will start writing about you, thinking of you, wondering about you, waiting for you to pop out of thin air, and I know that when that happens, you will be there to enthuse their curiosity and tickle their imagination the way you did to mine.

A response from my hypothetical boyfriend

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Please, don’t creep out. It was you who wrote me in the first place, and I felt the need to write you back. So, just hear me out.

Apologies that it took a while, but it took a while for me to find you. Maybe you are right. I was looking in the wrong places which is why I didn’t run into you much sooner than I’d like to.

My name is neither Kyle, nor Amadeus but you can still call me A.

Yes, I am taller than you. Much taller, shorty. Contrary to your expectation, my eyes aren’t brown. They are blue with a golden ring, thanks to my mum. I hope you’re not disappointed.

I like that you are curious because I am too. I like playing bets, and win-win is always a good start.

Let’s be clear here, no Apple products for me. I don’t mind silence as long as you’re not heading out the door.

Now you blame me for your little tooth brush, that’s a bit unfair. I didn’t even know I was supposed to remind you.

My deal is black humor and I like being a smart ass. I can tell that you’re a smarty pants too, so I’m sure there’ll be no dull moments between us.

I can be snotty and bossy like you, so you’ll have to remind me about it too. And yes, I usually act like a child, but I can be serious when necessary.

I don’t kite surf but I love diving, and I think it’s something we should do together. I do judo, I ski, and I like playing paintball. Let’s be spontaneous and random and do things together.

When it comes to honesty, no need to worry. I always am, even when it hurts sometimes.

I’m not sure yet if I am your hypothetical boyfriend. But the more I read into you, the more I speak to you, the more I want to believe that I can be.

I have a big appetite for sushi and sashimi so you can be sure that I’ve got our Friday nights covered.

I like watching movies and yes, we can alternate on choosing which movies to watch.

Lucky for you I don’t listen to metal or punk, but I’ll have to introduce you to a bit of jazz and a bit of rock. And a bit of house too!

You can teach me salsa, but I’ll have to teach you rock n roll in exchange. No buts, we agreed to compromise.

You can’t order me from eBay, that’s very much true, but I will do free delivery for you.

Your hypothetical boyfriend,

Alexandre.

Being Single Versus Being Single

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Being single is one of those few things that you either love or hate. To help you decide, here is my list of why I think it rocks at best and sucks at worst:

67 Reasons Why Being Single is Awesomeness in 3D

1. You can lie down on your bed diagonally, with arms wide open, and you won’t be bothered.
2. You can fart unapologetically.
3. It feels great to walk around the flat naked without having to worry that someone might walk in.
4. The only mess you will have to clean is yours.
5. You can spend all your money to yourself.
6. No arguments every hour.
7. No drama every minute.
8. No silly misunderstanding everyday.
9. Not a single petty fight even.
10. You stop acting like a 16 year old.
11. All the time in the world is subject to your disposal.
12. No one will tell you “do this, do that.”
13. You don’t have to take or make any phone call except when it’s your girlfriends dragging you on an all-nighter.
14. Your happiness is in your hands and not on someone else’s, literally and metaphorically. Hallelujah!
15. You never have to worry about buying the perfect gift.
16. Guess who’s in control of the television!
17. And the a/c too!
18. You never have to worry about someone waking up from your snore.
19. You can play your favorite songs in full volume and no one will give a shit other than your neighbors.
20. You never have to pretend that your idea of a Friday night is watching a football match.
21. Lots of evenings to spend with the ladies.
22. No one’s going to disappoint you
23. And you’re not going to disappoint anyone.
24. You can focus more on yourself.
25. You get to know yourself better.
26. No reason to adjust your schedule.
27. All those sleepless nights? Gone. Say hello to sleep!
28. You don’t have to worry about bad breath in the morning.
29. Your mum and dad are delighted that you came to visit.
30. Your friends who thought you died for a little bit are now enjoying your resurrection.
31. Being single means you are getting close to knowing exactly what you want.
32. You can go out on fun dates and meet new, and hopefully interesting people.
33. Did I already say you can go out on fun dates?
34. If you’re thinking about going on a six month trip around the world, then this is the right time! You don’t have to worry about leaving anyone or trying to sustain a soon-to-be long distance relationship.
35. Your Friday night could mean sleep overs with your girlfriends, a romantic-comedy flick, and pop corn. Awesome!
36. You can now start reading the books you bought but never read because you were always spending time with your bf-now-turned-exbf.
37. You become a new person-a smarter, stronger, sexier one.
38. Revenge diet!
39. You can start singing in the shower again.
40. In fact, you can even leave the bathroom door open!
41. You can see things much better and clearer now.
42. You have sound judgment.
43. You’re not trying to change anyone.
44. No one is trying to change you.
45. You define what emotional maturity and security is.
46. You’re back to being you. Thank goodness you’re so over and done the girlfriendzilla phase, or that you have escaped boyfriendstein.
47. Your last relationship taught you what you will and will not accept.
48. Therefore, it raises the bar higher for next time.
49. You can dance to a Britney Spears song in front of your mirror.
50. You can eat sushi for breakfast, pad thai for lunch, and laksa for dinner because you no longer have a boyfriend who has no appreciation for Asian cuisine.
51. You don’t have to fake orgasm.
52. Christmas costs less.
53. It means more money to splurge on dresses, or traveling, and books.
54. You never have to share the last bite of your burrito to anyone.
55. Suddenly, there’s more space in your studio apartment.
56. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.
57. Everything is done your way. Your choices, your decisions.
58. You can fling and flung your dirty clothes here and there without any thoughts whatsoever.
59. No one else is going to raid your fridge!
60. On weekends, you can sleep whenever.
61. And wake up whenever.
62. The only dishes you’ll have to wash are yours.
63. You never have to explain why you’re late, except to your boss.
64. Now you have a legitimate excuse to drunk text and call someone an asshole. Kidding!
65. The bag of chips you left in the kitchen will never again magically disappear.
66. You can watch every single Katherine Heigl movie without interruption.
67. You can always get a guaranteed spot in the cinema.

32 Reasons Why Being Single Sucks in HD

1. You have no one to say good night to.
2. No back rubs and massages.
3. Everyone’s asking “when are you getting married?” when they should be setting you up on dates.
4. When you’re with someone, you can say goodbye to awkward first dates.
5. You hang out with your friends and you’re always the third, fifth, or heck, seventh wheel.
6. No spooning.
7. No cuddling.
8. No one to kiss and make love with.
9. It’s always a Friday night that makes things more obvious than usual. While your friends are home with their special someone and take away dinner, you are home alone, with a grumbling tummy.
10. You have no travel buddy.
11. When you get sick, there’s no other person who will magically appear with a bowl of fresh noodle soup.
12. All the butterflies in your stomach are nowhere to be found.
13. Winter is coming and no one will keep you warm. Except your oversized jumpers.
14. You get this pity look from strangers when you sit in a restaurant and eat alone.
15. You never know what to do on a weekend.
16. There is no one to hold hands with especially when a scene in the movie becomes too morbid.
17. You’re the only one watching Skyfall alone.
18. There is no such thing as candlelit dinner for one.
19. There are days when you feel empty.
20. There are evenings when all you can do is look at your bedroom door long enough. As if that can make someone appear out of thin air.
21. A marathon of The Big Bang Theory is less fun without anyone to watch it with.
22. After watching a Katherine Heigl movie, you just feel like getting ice cream and screaming at the top of your lungs, “F U, Katherine Heigl!”
23. Your social calendar is usually empty.
24. You can disappear for days and no one will even notice, which leads us to a gruesome number 25.
25. You can die and no one will know until your body rots to stink.
26. The closest thing you can get to amazing sex is free porn.
27. No one is willing to listen to your boring stories, not even your rottweiler.
28. Apart from your reflection in the mirror, there is no one else to boost your ego.
29. Everything seems dull. There is no up, no down. You’re just cruising in the middle.
30. Your mum and dad tries to set you up with their business partner’s son. Nightmare.
31. You have to put an effort in meeting new people again. Expect that some of them might turn out creepy like your mum and dad’s business partner’s son.
31. Most of your dinners are left overs.
32. On New Year’s, when the clock strikes 12, everyone will be smooching around including you. Except you have no one to smooch around with.

A letter to my hypothetical boyfriend part 3

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I woke up from a knock at my door. I got up so giddily. You came just right on time to wake me up. From my bed to the doorstep, all I could think of is our first breakfast together. Alas, I opened the door and I found myself face to face not with you but with the housekeeping. My heart sunk.

I want to wake up to you, I want to wake up from your whisper, from your fingers as it draw the line of my face. I want to wake up from your tickles. I want to wake up from your snore! I thought by now you would have found me, but writing this goes to show that you haven’t yet.

I went back to the same beach with Sophy today and it is ridiculous how time goes by even when you’re not doing anything. I guess this is the curse that holiday brings. Sophy and I practically spent the entire day at the beach talking about you–how it would be like to finally meet you, how it would feel to have your hand clasped with mine as we walk along the shore. We wondered if you were the guy sitting next to our table because you kept looking at me. But now I’m definite that he wasn’t you. If he was, then he would have at least put an effort in introducing himself to me. If he was you, then we would have been celebrating right here right now.

Sophy and I saw a couple kissing by the water. Such a cute couple, and I should feel happy for them, but instead, I feel a pang of jealousy. I can’t help but think that it could have been us.

There were lots of guys on the beach today–kite surfers, solo travelers. They come from all over the world–France, Poland, America, Sweden. It makes me wonder what you are like and where you are from. Do you kite surf by any chance? How many languages do you speak? What is your native tongue? Do you even like the sea?

Maybe you don’t and this is the reason why you are not here. It makes sense. Maybe you are the kind of guy who would rather climb the mountains than have a lazy day by the Red Sea. Maybe you like to spend more time on the couch playing video games. Maybe you’d rather play football with your mates. But then again, if we are going to be together, I assume that we will mesh like water and sand.

Who are your favorite authors? Do you like comedy? Are you a coffee person? Heck, maybe I am asking the wrong questions. What sports do you play? What is your favorite football team? Do you watch Game of Thrones?

You could be a guitarist for all I know. You could be a hockey player, an engineer, a web developer. You could be a professional motor racer. You could be a chef. Oh, please be a chef! I love eating! But then again, even if you’re not a chef, I’m sure the simplest peanut butter and jelly sandwich will taste divine if you’re the one who made it.

Do you smoke? I hope you don’t mind if I do. What is your tolerance when it comes to alcohol? Four beers? Maybe six? If you ask me, I’d rather down six cups of espresso!

Speaking of drinking, I got so drunk tonight. I don’t know how it even happened. I had one Bailey-Kahlua shot, just one! And poof! I was gone! Well, I made a whole scene before I was gone. Poor Sophy had to endure the trail of mess I left behind. Again, it could have been you who’d clean up after my mess, or who’d prevent the mess from even happening.

Now when I think about it, it would have been rather embarrassing if you have seen me. You might have to actually carry me back home. I don’t know if you will laugh at me in that situation, or if you would rather run away from me. It makes me wonder if you actually saw me. Oh, for goodness’ sake I hope not, because that girl who threw up everywhere, barefooted, and without poise? Yes, that’s me. Guilty. Now I’m afraid I’d scare the shit out of you.

I want to know your deal breakers. I want to know what peeves you so I can avoid pushing the wrong button. I want to know if we both can live up to each other’s expectation. Please tell me that we will work it out. What would we call each other? Habibi? Babe? Hun? Sweetheart? Mahal? Boss? Cupcake?

I’m sorry. I know that I am going way ahead of myself again. We haven’t even met yet here I am looking out in our future. I am turning into the biggest cheese ball every second and I can’t help myself. I get too excited just thinking about the possibility of you.

Will I sound creepy if I say that I keep a list of things I want to do when I meet you? I want to go on a holiday together. Maybe we can take a cruise to Luxor. I want to cook for you, I want to cook with you. I want to rock guitar hero with you. I want to go around the city with you. I want to get drunk with you. I want to get high with you.

Ok, you can totally pretend I didn’t mean that last bit on my list, just in case you come from a conservative background.

There are so many things that I do with my friends that I wish I could do with you. It could have been you I went horse riding with. It could have been you I went smoking shisha with. It could have been you I spent hours talking to.

Will I be able to recognize you when I meet you? Will you be able to recognize me when you see me? I know I have already asked too many questions, but this is actually the biggest question I have in my mind. How are we going to know that it’s you, that it’s me? Will it just feel right, and easy, and unforced, and perfect? Or will it be awkward, and scary, and confusing?

It can be all of these things, or none of these things. But I hope that when we see each other eye to eye, we will just know. I have been living a while not knowing, and it will make a big difference if, for once, we would finally know.

A letter to my hypothetical boyfriend part 2

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I didn’t meet a Kyle or an Amadeus last night. That means I have no boyfriend with a sexy name, nor someone to call A. I met a Ziko, a Peter, and a Jasper, but none of them were you.

I was hoping you would come to the bus station last night but you didn’t. My friends came to save me from boredom. We went to a cafe to pass time. I have such awesome friends who always have my back and I consider myself lucky, but what I wanted was to be able to count on you too.

On the trip, I sat to a guy who started snoring as soon as the bus moved, and I was definite he wasn’t you either.

I still haven’t met you, but I am not losing heart, I can feel that you exist, it’s just unfortunate that our paths have not crossed yet.

If you were with me today, you would have been so proud of me! I managed to get free breakfast buffet today without even trying. I reckon I could have gotten a free breakfast for two, but what’s the point of that when, clearly, you’re not around?

I would have been happy, and I would have had a big breakfast, but everywhere I look, I see couples holding hands and kissing each other. It made your absence more obvious than usual.

I thought I would see you at the beach today, but obviously that wasn’t the case. I spent the entire day with my girlfriend instead.

Her name is Sophy, and I think you will like her. It would have been so nice if you met her! She’s such a lovely woman and we’ve shared a year of friendship. I met her here in El Gouna exactly the same time last year, and since then I felt like she and I have history. I wish I can have that same history with you.

I would love for you to meet Sophy’s Ali too. He’s such a sweet, caring, funny guy and I can already tell that you guys will be good buddies!

It would have been nice if we went out on a double date tonight.

Sophy and Ali.

Jen and Kyle.

Or Jen and Amadeus.

Or heck, Jen and whatever-your-name-is!

But you weren’t with us, and thus, I was a third wheel by default.

We played pool! And we could have played doubles if you were here. I don’t know why I’m thinking we have a fair chance of winning over Sophy and Ali. I guess I will always have this bias towards you. I can’t help it, you’re my man.

I gave Sophy and Ali their first salsa class tonight, or let’s say I forced them into it! You forgot to show up. Were you really that busy?

I got us spicy beef nachos for dinner. I hope you love guacamole! I’m not really sure what you feel like having. And if you were here, then you could get whatever you want. I’ll even let you order for me, because if we are going to be together, I trust that you would know my taste and appetite more than anyone.

I had too much fruit drinks today–fresh cantaloupe juice, mango-coconut milkshake, a Florida mocktail. It was so refreshing, but it would have tasted much sweeter if we were sipping it from the same straw.

I didn’t go kite surfing today even when I badly wanted to because that will be unfair to you. I always thought it will be much cooler if we take the course together. But after your no-show, I’m convinced I should start the course even without you. I’m sorry, don’t take it the wrong way. I would really like to kite with you, but I know that you will understand. Perhaps when we meet each other, we can plan our first trip together.

I sat at one of the lazy chairs in front of our hotel. I looked at the sky and wondered if you have gotten lost. That is the only explanation I ccould think of. I sat there alone, admiring the stars when what I really wanted is to talk about what we’d like to do tomorrow.

By the way, I bought a new toothbrush for us, I hope you don’t mind sharing. You can get one for yourself if you want to, or I can go back to the supermarket and get you one if you promise to do the dishes three times a week for a month.

Deal?

Deal!

Where exactly are you? I didn’t meet you today. If I did, then I wouldn’t be writing this right now. Don’t you think it will be a lot easier if you can just tell me where to find you? Or where I should go so you can find me already? That way we don’t have to play this hide and seek game anymore.

I guess I should just go back to our room. Hang on, I meant my room because there is no our, there is no us, there is no we. There is not even a you.

Please prove me wrong. Please knock on my door next morning and wake me up from my sleep. Let me know that you are not just in my head, that you are not just imaginary.