Tag Archives: break up

10 sure fire steps to get over your ex

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1. Cry. It’s 7:30 in the morning and the current love of your life just broke up with you. What do you do? No, you don’t take Xanax. You call your best friend and cry, and scream, and pour your lungs and your heart out altogether. Do this for 15 minutes to half an hour, or as much as your best friend can handle. After that excruciating phone call, never shed a tear over the same guy again.

2. Mourn. This is the worst part in dealing with a heartache, but this is also probably the most essential one. Some people tend to rush the healing process and pretend that nothing’s happened; that they’re unaffected, and tough and mighty as Brutus; that breakup is no big deal. But the truth is, it is a big deal. Unless you’re George Clooney. So, mourn. Feel regret and sadness for the loss of your relationship. Feel despair, feel empty. You are allowed to feel all these negative things but not for long. When you mourn, you are acknowledging the fact that something has come to an end. Therefore, you must bury it to the dirt and let go.

3. Declutter. Admit it, a breakup is the time we remember that 1. we are employed, 2. we have friends, and 3. we have a bedroom of shitload to clean. So, take this time as an opportunity to get rid of the mess and stains s/he left behind, literally and figuratively. Toss the bags of chips and pizza carton boxes you left lying on the floor the night you’ve been dumped. You might want to burn everything your ex gave you, but hold that thought right there. That’s just your anger and sentiment taking over. Come on, be practical! You can still use the Argentina travel book s/he got you on Christmas. You can still wear the hoodie your ex gave you this winter without remorse. These things are objects, not subjects, remember that when you start putting your life back on track. Ok, you can burn the letter and cards in slow fire if you must.

4. Workout. Again, a breakup is the time you remember you actually own a gym membership card. (Whoa, it’s like you had amnesia while in a relationship and everything is just coming back now.) The only thing that can be more badass than a badass workout is a post-heartache badass workout. Lift weights, run on speed 8, channel your bad energies to good use, and get in shape. It’s win-win situation, people!

5. Salsa. [Insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you.] When the going gets tough, the tough goes dancing [insert a hobby and/or activity that applies to you] because that’s what we do, yeah! Seriously though, nothing beats the hell out of a bad break up than doing the things you love while being surrounded with people who love doing the things you love.

6. Improve. I, personally, find breakups healthy in some way. As much as I like to exaggerate heartaches and the I-can’t-live-another-day drama, it is always after a break up that I find myself turning into a better version of me. It’s the more obvious time that I give myself a chance to read the books I bought but never read, to catch up with old friends, to connect with family. Usually, we get so consumed being in a relationship that we take for granted things that actually matter. Now that you’ve finished mourning and decluttering, I say use your time worthwhile by continuously improving yourself. Maybe take up that language class you’ve been wanting to get into, or attend the Friday night movie club you used to go to. Whatever it is, just don’t lock up in your room weeping.

7. Gain. After a breakup, emotions do the talking and usually end up delivering lines like “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.” We think that half of our lives is missing, and that there is a big lump on our throats, and a massive hole inside us. In reality, if I lose a part of myself whenever someone breaks up with me, then there will be nothing left of me now. But I am not Emily Dickinson. It is normal to feel that a big part of us is gone–the memories, the moments, time spent and shared with that person–these are things we will never get back after a breakup (at least not with the same person.) But what is important is gaining yourself back and coming out strong after a black hole. Emotion is what makes us human, but how we choose to deal with these emotions is what makes us intellectual.

8. Remember. The most natural reaction after someone breaks up with us is to be bitter and plot revenge. We go a little bit mental and just become all mopey and sour. We might even ask our friends to run our exes over with a car. In short, we forget all the good times we spent with that other person. We forget all the love. All of a sudden, the only thing we see is the bad. We blame them and try to make excuses for our flaws. We have to be reminded that that love was real no matter how short it lasted. We have to remember how good it felt, how special they made us feel, how strong and happy we were. You have to remember all the good so that you don’t fear love; so that you don’t transform to a cold, heartless robot; so that you don’t put up this wall that no one else will be able to break into.

9. Accept. That even good things come to an end. Take it for what it is. Accept that it is over. You have to let go of the person, of the scent, of the songs you listened to, the movies you watched together, everything. Please don’t try to even attempt to get them back. It ended for a reason. Move forward and don’t look back, or you will turn into salt! Though I am one to believe in second chances, I also believe that when someone wants you in their lives, you will never have to fight for a spot.

10. Believe. Another chapter might have just ended, but a new chapter is waiting to be written. Take the pen and start writing new characters. Change the plot, gear towards an epic ending. Keep going, don’t lose hope. Believe that that person exists. Love again.

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Love sucks, for now

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Seriously, I am this close to blaming this wicked month for playing April Fool’s on my friends’ hearts–and the month hasn’t even ended yet!

I don’t know why I always find myself caught in between. It affects me when I get the news that my friends’ long-term relationship came to a halting end just like that–for the reason that it didn’t work out. (They’ve been together for practically over a year, and it’s only now they realized it’s not going anywhere?) Or that one of my friends got himself turned down by a girl he genuinely cared about, or that another friend caught her supposedly ever-so-loving boyfriend sleeping–with someone else–on her bed! Her bed! Different people, different stories, yet it all boils down to the exact, same thing–a broken heart.

They’re all recent victims, and the culprit is this deadly, four-letter-word we call love.

Oh, love, what have you done this time? Aren’t you supposed to bring happiness and contentment and all these butterflies-in-the-stomach bullshit? You were meant to make everyone feel high. Everyone assumes that whenever you are around, there will be nothing but passion, and romance, and lots of sex too. Instead, you started stabbing my friends behind their backs, leaving them bleeding for dead.

I am 101 percent positive that they are thinking that this is the worst break up/rejection/cheating ever, that nothing is going to make things right, that things won’t go back to normal and they will just be stuck here, in this black, depressing hole–for life. They’re also probably thinking that I need to shut up now because I have no goddamn idea what I am talking about, and they are right, until they aren’t.

No matter how embarrassing it is for me to admit it, I think that if there is one person who would have memorized every single, excruciating second one has to go through in a break up, everyone’s fingers will be pointed at me. I used to be that person inside that empty box. I was the one wallowing in sorrow. I was the girl who turned blind to any reason. My judgment was impaired. I used to be the one drowning in my own pain and thinking this is the end of me.

At the moment, there is absolutely nothing I can say or do that will make my friends’ pain go away. I can tell them that he’s an asshole, or that she’s a bitch. I can tell them that it will get better, that eventually they will be able to move on, that sooner or later they will meet the right person who deserves them and who they deserve. I can tell them that they will be able to love again, but this is a fruitless task because at this very moment, it will just be me talking in mute. Right now, they’ve all gone deaf to anything that I might have to say because right now they’re in the dark. There is no vodka, or pep talk, or feel good movie that can take away the hurt. For now.

Because for now, they are thinking and feeling and seeing things in grey. They’re all imagining ‘whatifs’, and asking that horrible question ‘why.’ Right now, love has stomped their egos so hard that they have been reduced to someone who has lost the person who meant most to them. They are grieving, and that’s perfectly understandable, for now.

Being cheated on, being rejected, or broken up with, I’ve been through all those hells before and I’m so familiar at how much it sucks. I know how terrible and terrified they must be feeling right now, and I can only hope that soon, they will realize that good things actually come out from heartaches. Experience, for one. Later, they’ll be able to look back at their previous relationship and know what went wrong. They’ll start realizing that he or she wasn’t really that great (I wouldn’t be writing this right now if those people who meant the world to my friends were actually awesome.) Soon, they will realize that they have the power to actually get out of a bad, unhealthy relationship. They will realize there is no point in being with someone who takes them for granted, or that it is futile to be in a relationship clouded by lies and mistrust. I’m sure right now, they feel weak and vulnerable, but it only takes some time for strength to come out of them, because the best thing about heartache, is that once they get their sanity back, they have survived it!

We are all fighting the same fight and we will not be defeated (no matter how much they think their life is over at this very moment.)

I’m sure that eventually, my friends will be able to move on, just the way I did. No matter how cliche I may sound, I’m a living proof that life goes on, that we can recover no matter how deep we are into sinking. That we can be happy (if not happier) again. That no matter how disillusioned we were at love, at one point or another we will find the courage to love again, and this time it will be much better because of all the lessons and experience from our challenging past. Heartaches make us know better–what we really deserve, what we want out of a relationship, how we want it to start and grow. We know that next time, we won’t be with someone mediocre who will tell us that it’s just not working, or who will end up half-assing our self-worth, because now we know that the next time we’ll be in a relationship (whenever that may be,) it will be with someone worthwhile.